The conception rate through AI is similar to that through sexual intercourse. Approximately 11% of women who are trying to conceive are successful during a given menstrual cycle. Failure to conceive with AI is most often a result of fertility problems and not insemination error. There is a 20% rate of miscarriage among women who use AI and women who conceive during sexual intercourse. Age and medical history affect a woman's ability to conceive regardless of the method. It is a common misconception that more boys than girls are born of AI, but there is no data that suggests that this is true.

AI can be a cost-effective alternative to adoption, which can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000. AI using banked sperm may cost $500 to $1000, depending on the number of inseminations that are needed to conceive.

Choosing between an anonymous or a known donor may be complicated by logistical and social factors.

Insemination with a known donor is cost effective, can be done responsibly at home, and can provide a child with an identifiable father. General medical standards require a woman to use fresh sperm during home insemination, which can be difficult if the donor is not near. For most people, it results in a rewarding, personal environment for mother, father, and child. However, some difficulties compel women to choose an anonymous donor:

• Custody and visitation rights; legal issues
• Greater risk for sexually transmitted disease when using untested, familiar sperm
• Parenting and family complexities

• Medically tested sperm
• No legal or custody issues
• Single parenting; no identifiable father

• Intracervical, or ICI (just inside the cervix, the opening of the uterus)
• Intrauterine, or IUI (inside the uterus)
• Pericervical (near the cervix)
• Vaginal-pool (inside the vagina)

A support person, medical professional, the woman herself, or, most commonly, a partner inserts sperm into the vagina or uterus during vaginal-pool and pericervical insemination. These methods are performed at home with a needleless or oral medication syringe and diaphragm or with a cervical cap. Some cervical caps feature a tube through which the sperm is injected; it is then placed over the cervix. The cap contains the sperm and encourages its flow into the uterus. Fresh sperm or bank sperm that has been properly thawed is used. Because a medical professional must fit a cervical cap to a woman's cervix while she is ovulating, a syringe is the easiest method.

Timing and Ovulation Prediction
Timing the insemination and accurately predicting ovulation are probably the most important aspects of AI. A woman is most likely to conceive during the 24 hours that follow ovulation, when the egg is viable. Over-the-counter ovulation kits test the urine for an increased level of luteinizing hormone (LH), which is released about 24 to 36 hours before ovulation. These kits typically cost $25 to $35 and may contain 5 testing strips. Another method is to observe and note body signs of fertility, including elevated body temperature in the morning, consistently elevated temperature throughout the day, presence of cervical mucus, and lowered or "dipped" cervix. Many women wishing to conceive record these signs on a calendar to predict ovulation.

Sperm
Women can obtain sperm from a friend, while others prefer sperm from an anonymous donor. Sperm banks provide women with frozen sperm from anonymous donors. Sperm stored at sperm banks is properly frozen and preserved in liquid nitrogen. It is tested for viability; sexually transmitted disease, including human immunodeficiency virus (HIV); and is accompanied by a profile of the donor's background.

Washing sperm before IUI kills some of the sperm and interferes with others. "Dizzy sperm," as they are called, may not be able to swim through the uterus and into the fallopian tubes. Still, IUI is successful because all of the sperm is inserted directly into the uterus. Sperm that has been frozen in a home freezer is not viable for insemination. There is a greater risk for sexually transmitted disease with fresh sperm, as it has not been tested.

Legal Issues
The laws regarding visitation rites and parent support among people who choose AI are undeveloped. There is a lack of statutes and precedent for unmarried partners. For these reasons, anyone donating or using sperm should consult a lawyer who is knowledgeable about legal issues surrounding AI. Women working with known donors are advised to hire an attorney and to make a legal agreement that protects all concerned. Lesbian partners are advised to make coparenting agreements that stipulate the care of the child in the event of separation. Some states allow coparent adoption, or same-sex parent adoption, and legally recognize both partners as parents.

Today, friends & neighbors, the topic is biology, more specifically: bodily functions. After reading ReSearch's latest book about body fluids, you could say I'm inspired. So, let me tell you about my new job: masturbating. I am now an anonymous semen donor in Sacramento. I'd like to make it a career if I can keep it up.

The application process was rigorous and the screening was thorough. They tested my sperm's motility after freezing 3 times. They asked me about my school records. They asked me about my family's records. They asked me if I've had diseases I couldn't even pronounce, and when I asked the nurse what they were, she admitted that she didn't know either, so she looked them up. They asked me about my green hair, and I told them it wasn't hereditary. They asked me what I wanted to do with my life. If I didn't know, I made it up. In order to test for my sperm's motility, they had to get ahold of some. So I had to get ahold of my weiner. And go, man, go. The first time I had to do it, I wasn't sure what it would be like. Should I stop off and pick up a porn mag? Nah, I don't need 'em usually anyway. As it turned out, they're provided in my nice, sterile room. Along with linens, in case you need to clean up. Linens? What, do some people spew uncontrollably and in such large quantity that a little paper towel won't do? I never have that problem, my accuracy is good, and I have yet to come close to filling the 3/4 cup-sized container.

So after passing these requirements (which included some don't-even-apply-unless-you-meet-these-criteria: you must be at least 5'9," not an intravenous drug user, never had sex for money, not adopted, no v.d. etc.), I had my blood and urine tests. I stopped smoking pot for three weeks, took a bunch of golden seal, and passed. I also passed my HIV test, something I'd always been curious about but never looked into (I'm pretty safe when it comes to humpin'). The only snag I had was a slightly high level of strep-A, something completely normal that was fixed with a little penicillin.

I also had to pass a quick physical. I went to my appointment, and of course, the doctor gave my green hair a double take. I took off my shirt so he could check out my heart with his stethoscope. Another weird look, then "Did that hurt," as he checked out my pierced nipples. "Nope," I said, "I liked it." A raised eyebrow, followed by the drop-yer-drawers order. I had graciously (I thought so, at least) removed the ring from my scrotum, so as not to freak him out anymore, but I forgot about the fact that I had bleached and dyed my pubs bright green. Oh well. He didn't say anything.

After checking out my sac and my penis, I was given the thumbs up. I passed all of their requirements, I got accepted into their club.

So what now? I go in 2 to 3 times a week (at least 48 hours apart) to masturbate for money. I get paid $15 cash every time, $5 per sample as a lump sum after 3 months, and $25 per sample as a lump sum after a second series of blood/urine tests. That works out to $45-a-nut. I'll be making at least $360 a month doing something I've done for years, I'm good at, and I don't mind doing. I've found a new career....

Sound appealing? I suggest you call up the reproductive unit of your local hospital and maybe you could wrestle the bald-headed champion for fun and profit!