Improving Your Oral Skills

My boyfriend of four months is much more sexually experienced than I am, and although he's been cool about it, I can tell my oral sex skills aren't up to snuff. Can you give me some pointers?
-- Virginia, 20, Carmichael, California

The advice was unanimous among my male friends: Simply put, guys like when you like doing it. Your enthusiasm for the oral act is 80 percent of the game, so take that hot tamale in your mouth as if it were your favorite treat in the universe. Inform him of your zeal by saying, "I can't wait to go down on you" as you unzip his pants, or "You taste so good" as you're sampling the goods. Sexy eye contact is also key -- a guy can get lonely up there by himself and starts to wonder if you're having fun down there -- so don't forget to give him an animalistic glance or two while you're downtown.

As to the technique itself, you've got three things to consider: Your lips, hands, and your tongue. Your lips provide stimulation as well as lubrication, so wrap them firmly around the shaft of his penis and suck slightly, which will put his package in a sexy, supertight squeeze. And while your lips may be the main attraction, your hands can do a lot of the work -- especially if he's well-endowed and you can't get all of him in your mouth.

Start off by wrapping your thumb and forefinger around the base of his penis and squeezing. As he gets more excited, those two fingers can give way to a whole fist encircling the base, which you move up and down in unison with your mouth. Your tongue is the icing on the cake. As your hands and mouth are jive to the beat, let your lingua franca flick from side to side around the head and the back side of his penis -- the most sensitive parts. Keep a steady rhythm until your guy starts moving to meet your mouth -- that's your cue that he's close, and that you should pick up the pace.

If you want to give him a special surprise, treat him to some Altoids: Pop two mints and perform the deed as they dissolve in your mouth. The same minty flavor that makes your mouth tingle will fire up his privates -- and garner a guaranteed "Wow" from him.

Should We Still Use Condoms?

Even though I'm on the pill, I use condoms to prevent STDs. But the last three times my guy and I had sex, the condom broke. Since we both seem fine now, my boyfriend says he shouldn't have to use condoms anymore. Is he right?

Your boyfriend figures since he's already gone bareback, why bother saddling up? Sorry, sweetie, but his logic doesn't fly. Simply because you aren't experiencing symptoms of any STDs doesn't mean you don't have any -- in fact, you should both be tested immediately and get tested again in six months just to be sure. Unless and until you've both tested negative for all diseases -- and are committed to a monogamous relationship -- keep using condoms.

I've Never Had an Orgasm

I'm 29, and I've never had an orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? What should I do?

More women than you'd think share your frustrating problem. I believe it's because they're under the false impression that if they simply rub a certain spot a few times, the orgasm genie will appear. But for many women it's not that easy! It takes practice -- just like any other skill in life -- and a little know-how. I'm here to help.

The best way to teach yourself to climax is to masturbate. Solo exploration will allow you to learn your body's responses so that when you're with a partner, you can show him exactly what turns you on; after all, every woman is different. You have to find what does it for you.

The first step is to get yourself horny. One of the main reasons women don't reach orgasm is because they don't let themselves get adequately aroused -- or their partners don't spend the time to do it. Watching an adult video, reading a juicy novel, or conjuring up a fantasy will get your sexy thoughts flowing. No fantasy is forbidden, whether you see yourself being taken by an entire ski team or on a tropical island as a sex slave to the natives. Then slowly start to stroke your breasts and nipples, thighs, or whichever spots make you feel sexy. Let some tension build up before you work your way down to your clitoris, stroking it gently. The clitoris is the key to climax -- experiment with different pressures and rhythms until you find one that makes you tingle. Using a lubricant (like KY jelly or Astroglide) can greatly enhance the sensation. As your arousal heightens, you'll probably want to increase the pressure and speed against your clitoris. Again, this differs from woman to woman. You may not be able to climax unless you have direct, intense pressure or vibration, or you may find that lightly touching yourself does the trick. Using a vibrator can be an effective way of stimulating yourself; you can also use it externally or internally while stroking your clitoris with the other hand.

Be patient; it takes time to get your body and mind in sync and aroused enough to bring on an orgasm. If after a number of attempts you still have trouble, make an appointment with a gynecologist and ask her to check to make sure you don't have any medical problems that could be hindering your ability to climax. She can either treat you, if it's a physical condition, or refer you to a licensed sex therapist if it's psychological.

My Boyfriend Is Uncircumcised

My boyfriend is uncircumcised, and I've never been with an uncut lover before. Are there different techniques for pleasing him?

When you get right down to it, a penis is a penis. The differences of an uncut one shouldn't intimidate you. An uncircumcised penis just has an extra layer of skin that covers the penile head. As the penis becomes erect, the foreskin automatically retracts from over the head and settles back into the shaft right beneath it -- making intercourse feel no different than with a circumcised man. But it has been long debated whether an uncircumcised penis is more sensitive -- and thus should be handled with a gentler approach -- than a circumcised one.

Ultimately though, it depends on the guy. Your boyfriend has undoubtedly encountered other women, who, like you, have not had an uncircumcised lover. I'm sure he'll be happy to educate you on how to handle his penis.

While you probably won't notice any difference during intercourse, you may find hand jobs and oral sex easier than with a circumcised man. Since the foreskin moves with your hand or mouth, it does some of the work for you, lessening the amount of pressure and lubrication needed.

If you're ready to get it on, and he's still soft, here's how to have some foreskin fun. Gently roll the skin over the head of his penis, massaging the extra skin with your fingertips. Make sure your hand is slightly moist and be gentle. Then very gradually use your hands to work the skin down from over the tip, releasing the penile head millimeter by millimeter, and, finally, pull the foreskin back as far as it will go down his shaft. Then you can lick the tip a little before rolling the skin back over the head. After a few of these penis peekaboos, he'll be erect, and the skin will be fully retracted.

Keep in mind that every guy likes a customized performance when it comes to handling his precious part -- so be receptive to instruction and let him guide you. Soon touching his penis will become so natural, you won't even remember what a circumcised one looks like!

Masturbation How-To

I would love to masturbate, but I don't know how. I was brought up to believe it was dirty, and I don't even know where to start. Help!

Congratulations on getting past the antiquated notions of sexuality that prevent lots of women from learning how to enjoy their own bodies. There's absolutely nothing dirty about touching yourself, and in fact, masturbation is the safest sex you can have!
To begin, find a place and time when you won't be disturbed. Lie on your bed, or wherever else you feel comfortable, and start touching a "nonsexual" part of your body that feels great -- massage your neck or stroke your inner arms with feathery fingertips, for example. Once you're really relaxed, move on to more intimate territory by gently caressing your nipples. If you start to feel aroused, terrific; if not, don't stress -- it can take a while to get into the groove. Let your fingers explore your outer vaginal area (vulva). Get to know the folds and crevices of skin using different kinds of touch. When you're ready to try for your big O, find the area where your inner vaginal lips part, just at the top point where they divide. You'll feel a small protrusion there, about the size of a pencil eraser. This is your clitoris, the love button that will give you an orgasm once you've mastered how to massage it with the right rhythm and pressure.

How Do I Perform a Lap Dance?

I want to give my boyfriend a lap dance. Can you tell me how to do it?

There aren't many guys in this world who wouldn't enjoy a lap dance from their girlfriend, so it behooves you to perfect this man-melting, tantalizing technique. And if you lose that Internet job, you'll always have something to fall back on. It's a joke! Anyway, like traditional stripping, the lap dance is all about the tease -- exciting him by letting him look, but not touch.

If you're in the privacy of your own home, you can make up your own rules, but do like the professionals do: Keep your guy fully clothed and make sure you're only wearing a G-string and stilettos. Absolutely forbid him from touching you (although you can touch him) -- it'll give you a sexy, powerful feeling, and seeing your naked body but not being able to put his hands on it will make him crazy with desire.

Set the stage with some sexy music -- slow and sensual usually is best. Have your boyfriend sit in a chair, preferably a sturdy one with arms. Start about three feet in front of him, swaying your hips as you would with a Hula Hoop. Dance toward him and once you're right in front of him, place one foot on the floor between his feet, and the other on the arm of the chair. Grind slowly and seductively to the music, stroke your breasts, and make eye contact. When he starts to lean forward to get a closer view, push him back (if necessary, remind him of the "no touching" rule). If you have long hair, run it up and down his chest and between his legs. Put your hands on the arms of the chair and lean your breasts into him, rubbing them over his face and down his body, but always pulling back to tease him. Turn around, straddle his legs, and wiggle your bottom. If you like, playfully slap your tush a few times for added emphasis. Chances are, you'll be lucky if you get this far before your guy, bursting with lust, breaks the rules and turns your lapdance into the mattress mambo.

How to Introduce Light Bondage

My last boyfriend and I used to tie each other up in bed, and though we both had fun, he always instigated the action. I'd like to do this with my new guy, but how can I get it started without freaking him out?

When it comes to broaching any kind of kinky sex practice with a new man, take it slow, real slow. Don't even mention the word "bondage," which could conjure up some pretty severe images in his mind. In fact, don't talk about it at all at first; just slyly test the waters the next time you and your guy are getting busy.

The Art of a Quickie

Sometimes my boyfriend and I don't have time for a long lovemaking session with foreplay. How can I be more satisfied by our quickies?

Let's be realistic: In cases where you forgo foreplay and are in the intercourse act for only a few fleeting minutes, your chances of climaxing aren't so good. But that doesn't mean your quickies can't be gratifying. The trick is to focus on the sexiness of the encounter -- how desirable and naughty the raw carnality of a quickie can make you feel. Knowing your man must have you right this second even if you are, say, in the bathroom during your brother's engagement party, can make a girl plummet right over the edge. Even if you don't have an orgasm, the experience can still be incredibly passionate and exciting.

Remember, you have orgasm options after the fact too. You can finish off solo if you have time and are close enough. Or you can let the delicious tease of the hot-but-hurried session linger until an opportune moment for orgasm arises. One cool thing about being female is you can walk around fired up all day long (no pesky erection to hide!), and the pent-up horniness will make for a huge explosion when you get the chance.

Sexy Birthday Ideas for Your Man

My boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks. I want to make it the best night he's ever had. Do you have any ideas?

Nothing gets the hormones pumping more than excitement and suspense. Give your boyfriend an erotic escapade -- a treasure hunt where the booty is you. Tease him that morning by hinting that he's in for a real treat that night. When he gets to work, have an email waiting for him (or, if you can finagle it, a note on his desk) telling him to meet you at your place that evening.

When he arrives, have him follow a trail of lit candles from the front door to the bedroom. Wait for him there with a bottle of champagne, wearing sexy new lingerie (or just your birthday suit, if you prefer). Tell him that for his birthday, you want to think only about his pleasure and grant his every wish (within reason, of course). Suggest a sensuous massage with fragrant oils, then gently tie him down with silk scarves or pantyhose, blindfold him, and have your way with him. Tease him mercilessly, licking and stroking him all over. Dribble a bit of champagne on his chest. Lap it up slowly, then playfully tell him you want to blow out his birthday candle, so to speak. Lightly suck the tip of his penis until he begs you to let him penetrate you. Then take off the blindfold so he can enjoy the sight of your lovemaking. By the time he's inside you, he'll be ready to explode -- let him. Remember, it's his birthday.

Make His Orgasm Stronger

I've heard there are certain spots you can touch that make a guy's orgasm stronger. Where are they exactly, and when and how should I touch them? Is it the same for every guy?
-- Larissa, 24, North Highlands

One highly pleasurable hot spot on a man is called the perineum, a quarter-sized area of skin between the scrotum and the anus. Beneath this spot lies the prostate gland, which, when stimulated, can send his orgasm off the charts. Since the gland's internal, you have to press down pretty hard -- as if you were ringing a stiff doorbell -- to spark the fireworks. Deciphering just the right amount of poking pressure is the tricky part, so whisper, "Do you want me to press harder? Tell me when it feels just right." With some verbal cues on his part, you can perfect your touch. As he gets closer to orgasm, press there a bit harder -- and more often -- to send his orgasm into orbit.

Two other common moan zones are his nipples and his buttocks. Pinch his nipples hard or squeeze his rump as he nears orgasm, and it will drive him wild. And while these areas are the most tried-and-true erogenous zones, logically any area packed with nerve endings could create pleasant sensations if stroked with finesse. Get to know your guy's particular trigger points by exploring every area of his body and listening attentively to his ooohs and aaahs (and ouches). You may be surprised where you find them -- and he will be too!

I’m Not Ready for Sex

I have this recurring problem. After a couple of dates with a new guy, I bring him back to my place. But once we're naked, I suddenly decide I'm not ready for sex and ask him to leave. Most of my dates never call again. Why don't they understand that I just want to cuddle and not go so far so fast?

You're giving these guys the wrong impression. By bringing them back to your apartment so soon, and subsequently getting naked, you're leading them to believe you're ready for sex even though you clearly are not. This is unfair -- not to mention confusing -- to the guy. Even the nicest guys will have a hard time putting the brakes on action that appears to be moving full-force ahead. Your mixed signals may also make them wonder if they did something to turn you off ("Is my penis too small?", "Am I too hairy?", "Does my breath smell?") and that's why you kicked them out.

Now, I'm not saying that you should have sex with a guy just because he wants to. You have the right to say no at any time, and you do not owe him an explanation. I also believe that it's perfectly fine -- even ideal -- to play a bit of cat-and-mouse when it comes to sex. Not doing the deed the first few times you hook up will make him yearn for you more. But you should do it in a more subtle, less deliberate way.

Here's what I suggest you try with the next guy: When you're yearning to make out with him, do it in semipublic places -- engage in some old-fashioned necking at a friend's party, in an elevator in a museum, at a club, in the car -- that way you get to sample his technique but you can't go any further. Then at the end of the night, give him a long, passionate kiss at your front door, making clear you're not asking him in (something like, "I'd better get some sleep 'cause I have to get up early, but I can't wait to see you again!" will get your point across). When you are ready for him to come in, be super clear about where you want to draw the line so you are both on the same page. He'll respect you for your honesty and know that when you do have sex you'll really, really want it. A pretty good way to start a new relationship, if you ask me!

I Hate Morning Sex

My guy always wakes me up to have sex in the morning, when I'm not in the mood. Should I tell him to stop jumping me in the A.M., or is there some way I can learn to enjoy morning sex?

Since sex requires two willing participants, you do have the right to say no when you're not in the mood. But you should also consider saying yes sometimes, even when the only thing on your mind is hitting the snooze button a few more times. Refuse his advances every time you aren't feeling horny, and your guy might start to feel rejected. Being lovers means sometimes having to compromise.

My Mouth Goes Dry After I Orgasm

Why is it that my mouth gets totally dry every time I have an orgasm during sex? I actually need to drink some water after I come, because I can't kiss properly anymore. My lips feel stuck over my teeth, talking is even difficult -- strange, huh? My boyfriend thinks it's cute, and says he is happy when he is able to make my mouth dry. So it's not an issue; I'm just curious as, I've never read about it anywhere.....
-- Carissa, 30

It seems you're in the enviable position of having a boyfriend who's giving you an exciting between-the-sheets workout. Your panting during these sexual athletics is the most likely cause of your post-orgasmic dry mouth. Think of it as the same breathing-through-the-mouth that runners do and notice how they cling to their water bottles to avoid dehydration.

Another possible causes of that just-ate-peanut-butter feeling: During orgasm you get the same jolt of adrenaline that you get during public speaking or in any fear situation -- the fight-or-flight response, which decreases saliva production and causes dry mouth.

Orgasms can create all types of unusual conditions in the body. They can lead to severe cramps in the pelvis caused by the uterus contracting. Also they can bring on cramping of the feet and toes from the muscles of the feet contracting. Some women get itchy skin, especially in the chest area, from the sexual flush, and orgasm can cause headaches by changing the blood flow to the brain. Sneezing attacks can be brought on by the swelling in the back of the nose. But I want to be sure to note that most of the time orgasms are simply wonderful.

My Boyfriend Climaxes Too Soon

When my boyfriend and I have sex, he climaxes almost immediately. You've heard of the one-minute man? Try 30 seconds! Is there any way I can get him to last longer?

Your boyfriend's sprint to the finish line is frustrating, but most likely it can be fixed. Chances are he's just been poorly trained. Men who are speedy ejaculators often pick up the habit when they begin masturbating as teenagers. No guy wants to be caught with his pants down by his mother, so the faster he can accomplish his goal, the better. Even as an adult, during solo sex, there's not much reason for him to delay orgasm. If your boyfriend hasn't had a lot of sex before you, chances are he never forced his body to accommodate a slower sexual speed. Or, maybe he is sexually experienced but his former lovers didn't complain. Regardless, it's time to put the man through an endurance-training course. Think of it as bedroom boot camp, and you're the drill sergeant. Okay, that's a little extreme, but you do need to instigate some stamina-increasing exercises in the sack.

The first technique to try, frequently recommended by sex therapists, is the stop-and-start method. Here's how it works: Tell your boyfriend next time he's about to orgasm to stop thrusting until his peaking arousal subsides. (You have to stop moving too.) He may even need to pull out completely. Then start back up again as usual. He may have to do this several times throughout intercourse. It may be annoying to stop and start constantly, but most men are able to increase their endurance time after 5-10 sessions of this. Eventually he'll learn control, he'll be able to go without stopping, and will last much longer. In the meantime, ask him to bring you to orgasm orally or manually.

Another way to slow down his sexual speed is to experiment with new positions such as you on top or side-by-side. These positions will prevent him from thrusting as deeply and are more conducive to rocking back and forth rather than traditional in-and-out movements, which will cut down on the friction on his penis, allowing him to last longer.

If you try all these tips and your boyfriend is still quick to come, suggest that he see a sex therapist, who will help him deal with the deeper anxieties that could be causing his problem.

My Genital Area Smells Bad

I feel that I have a strong smell in my genital area. I don't have any itching or burning sensations, though. During sex this makes me reluctant to let my boyfriend touch me or give me oral sex, and he doesn't understand why I am so tense. It's ruining my sex life! Help!

All women have their own signature aroma below, which changes in intensity throughout the monthly cycle. I've heard men compare this scent to everything from oysters to the forest floor to salty sea air to honeydew melon. There's absolutely no reason for you to be self-conscious about your smell -- this natural female aroma can be one of the very things that drives men crazy with desire. It seems apparent that your boyfriend isn't remotely put off by it, since he is so eager to put his hands and mouth down there! The next time you feel the urge to shrink from his touch, remind yourself that a man is much more likely to be turned off by a partner who's uptight or insecure than by the natural scent of the female body.

That said, there are instances in which a strong smell in the genital area indicates a health problem. If you smell a bit like yeast (think freshly baked bread) or very fishy (sea scallops), you should consult a gynecologist to see if the odor is caused by an infection. A vaginal odor that resembles ammonia and worsens during a woman's period or when mixed with semen is probably bacterial vaginosis, which requires prescription treatment. Yeast infections have a definite odor and usually manifest with itching and burning. While treatments for yeast infections are available over-the-counter, you should visit your doctor before treating yourself, to make sure that you obtain a proper diagnosis.

Should you somehow try to mask your natural smell? Experts say no. Douching changes the PH balance and natural flora of the vagina. It can even bring on an infection. Wash the area only with mild soap and water, and stay away from all perfumed cleansing products.

I'm Too Dry Down There

Even when I'm turned on and want to have sex with my boyfriend, I can still be sort of dry down there. What's wrong, and how can I fix the problem?

You're not alone in dealing with this curious drought. Many women experience vaginal dryness, even when highly aroused. Don't feel bad about it -- how wet you get naturally is no reflection of your sexiness. A woman's natural lubrication process can be affected by many factors. Medication (from antidepressants to birth control pills), diet (specifically too much salty food), alcohol consumption, your menstrual cycle, fatigue and even stress can cause you to be less lubed than you'd like. Fortunately, this is an easy problem to fix. If you don't feel lubricated enough to do the deed comfortably, you may not be as turned on as you think you are. A little extra foreplay may be all it takes to open the floodgates. Encourage your boyfriend to give you oral sex, or continue stimulating you with his fingers in the way you like best. The other no-fail option is to use a personal lubricant -- which will work wonders every single time. This colorless, odorless, taste-free stuff is your secret weapon to produce instant wetness. Just be sure to always use a water-based lubricant like K-Y Liquid, Astroglide or Sensura. Never use an oil-based product like Vaseline or baby oil, which could break down the latex in a condom.

My Guy Talks Too Much During Sex

My boyfriend can't stop talking during sex. We have a lot to work on, such as rhythm, timing, etc., but his need to discuss everything is ruining the mood. How can I get him to shut up and just enjoy?

Give the guy a little credit. Chances are he's just trying to figure out the lay of the land and is just overly eager to please you. Once he's familiar with your physical terrain and sexual responses, you'll have less "to work on," as you put it, and he'll probably quiet his commentary. If you're too impatient to wait for this to occur naturally, or you sincerely don't see quieter sex in sight, you can employ some of the following muzzling methods. But please, please be gentle -- criticizing his tendency to vocalize during the deed could stunt his style, spontaneity, and sexual performance.

The next time he starts chatting in bed, whisper something like, "Let's try to let our bodies do the talking from now on." Or kiss him on his mouth whenever his words start to flow. If this doesn't keep him quiet, put a lid on his lecture by transforming it into dirty talk. For instance, if he says something like, "Try shifting your pelvis toward me at a 45-degree angle so I can achieve deeper penetration," simply respond with "Just keep doing what you're doing -- you feel amazing!" Emphasize it with some lusty moans. When he realizes how much you're enjoying it, he might stop trying to discuss how to fix everything.

Still talking? Try a dialogue-deprivation game. Tell him you want to create a sexy scenario where both of you are blindfolded and silent, using just your touch to guide each other. The rules are no speaking or peeking from behind the blindfold. If he should start talking, you can invoke the rule that it's to be a silent game, so that you both can feel the lovemaking in a heightened way.

Afterward -- say, a couple days later when you're snuggling -- mention how much you loved doing it in silence, that you found the mood especially sensual. Hopefully he'll get the hint.

I Reach Orgasm Too Soon

I think I come too soon. It's certainly way before my boyfriend does. He doesn't mind in the least, but I want to wait for him. How can I stop myself from having an orgasm so quickly?
-- Jessica, 24, Sacramento

How lucky you are to reach the big O so effortlessly! Most women would jump at the chance to trade places with you. But if you'd like to hold off and shoot for a simultaneous orgasm with your man, here's what you can do: Switch to sexual positions that aren't as stimulating for you. This allows you to cool your jets for a few minutes while he catches up with you. Or, if every position sends you over the edge, stop shagging completely and go down on him for a while until you're ready to jump back in the saddle.

On the other hand, instead of delaying your climax, you could always shoot for more than one. While a man's equipment shuts down temporarily after one orgasm, women don't need to refuel after the grand finale. That means once you reach Venus, you can proceed right on to other planets. So the next time you climax during sex, keep going -- your body may be hypersensitive at first, but within minutes that feeling should give way to yet another Big O. No doubt your guy will go along with your multiple agenda, since his ego erupts with each round of dynamite he sets off in you.

My Guy Can't Keep an Erection

A guy I'm dating has this hard/soft problem: He gets an erection, but it comes and goes. Is there anything I can do to help him keep it up throughout the event?
-- Sally, 26, Elk Grove

Now-you-see-it, now-you-don't erections can result from a variety of causes. If you two always get it on after a long night on a bar crawl, the booze (or cigarettes, if he smokes) may be preventing his ambassador from rising to the occasion. That's because both substances constrict the arteries and stem blood flow to the penis.

Condoms are the next suspect since they also interrupt the spontaneity of your sexual encounter. Combat this fade-out by distracting him from the intermission. One way to seamlessly ease into sex is to put the condom on with your mouth: As you're giving him oral sex, secretly rip open the package and quickly place the prophylactic between your lips with the reservoir tip facing back toward your throat. Then place the rubber over the tip of his penis and start inching the sides downward with your lips. If your guy would rather jacket up himself, keep the ball rolling by talking dirty. Say, "Get that thing on fast because I want you so bad!" or "You won't believe what I'm going to do to you once you get that on." He'll be so busy listening to you that he won't mind the slight interruption.

Another possible cause of his seesawing soldier may be a bad case of performance anxiety. So don't make it worse by trying repeatedly to get him hard enough to penetrate you. Instead let him satisfy you manually or orally. Once he's convinced you're having a good time, his confidence -- and his hard-on -- will most likely return.

Our Sex Life Is Nonexistant

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than two years. We recently moved in together, and since then our sex life has become nonexistent. He claims it's because we're around each other a lot now and see each other every day. Is there anything we can do to get over this?
-- Natalie, 20, Roseville

A vanished sex life could mean your cohabitant is panicking -- as many of us do -- about taking the relationship to the next level. Moving in together may not be marriage, but it certainly brings with it many losses, including that of independence, privacy, and the freedom to play the field. His reaction is totally natural and shouldn't make you think he wants to bail -- he may just need some time to get into the idea that he's building a life with you.

In the meantime, you can definitely do things that will bring his libido out of its deep freeze. For starters, show him you two can still have your own lives. Make plans with your girlfriends, go out of town alone to visit family, step up your workout regime, or even take on a totally new hobby. All this will demonstrate that although you're living together, you are not expecting to spend every minute with him. Plus, a busy agenda means you'll have to schedule 'dates' with him, which will comfort him by reminding you both of those days back when you lived in separate roosts.

Another way to rev his engine is to initiate sex in places other than the bedroom, whether that's the living room couch, the shower, or under the dining room table. Or, one day when he comes home and walks into the kitchen to investigate pleasant odors wafting from the stove, be there naked, clothed in only an apron. By doing this, you paint your pad as an erotic playground rather than a prison -- the kind of place he's anxious to return to and find you there waiting for him.

My Guy's Penis Is Too Large 

My boyfriend's penis is huge! It makes oral sex difficult and penetration uncomfortable. What can he do to make it easier on me?

Women love to say they want a man who is superendowed -- until they get one. The truth is, as you have found, an XL penis can be as problematic as a mini one. But there are ways to make his mammoth member easier to take depending on whether he's too wide or too long (or, heaven help you, both).

You've probably heard it before: If a baby can pass through there... But, giving birth hurts! Yes, your vagina can stretch to accommodate his extra thickness, but in order for sex to feel good, you've got to be aroused. So make sure you include lots of foreplay in your lovemaking and don't proceed to penetration till you really, really want it. Let yourself get super-wet and be liberal with the store-bought lubricant. Only use a water-based one, like my favorite, Astroglide. Steer clear of anything made with oil, which will cause a condom to tear. Put the lubricant around the opening of, and inside, your vagina; apply a thick coat on his penis or use a lubed-up condom. It can be part of your sensuous foreplay -- he'll love the feel of your hand slathering him with the slick stuff.

If he has a really long penis, avoid any variation of the missionary position -- where your legs are bent at the knees or raised in the air -- it allows him to penetrate you too deeply. Instead, keep your legs flat on the bed, only slightly spread. Also to avoid: the doggie style and other man-behind poses.

Instead, try positions where you control the level of penetration. Woman-on-top is an ideal choice, because it allows you to adjust the number of inches you take inside of you and makes penetration as gradual as you want. No matter what the position, don't hesitate to advise him how deep he should go.

As for oral sex, who says that giving satisfying fellatio means taking his whole penis inside your mouth? The head is the most sensitive part, so just lick and suck only the tip of his penis while using your hands to stroke along his shaft. My favorite way to do this is to pretend your hand is an extension of your mouth. Create an O shape with your fingers and slide them down his shaft while putting only the tip of his penis in your mouth. He still gets full stimulation, but he may not be able to tell what's your mouth and what's your hand -- all he knows is it feels good. And that's all that matters.

Sex and Your Period

I'm squeamish about having sex during my period. I'm afraid it will make a mess and won't feel good. Any advice?

A lot of women feel uncomfortable about doing the deed during their periods. After all, we spend so much time making ourselves pretty for our guys, we think their bubble might burst when confronted with our bodily processes. But in my experience, this concern is a chick thing -- we fret about intimacy during menstruation but most guys don't even flinch. That's not really a surprise, is it? Men love sex too much to be dissuaded by a bit of blood.

A couple of caveats: Don't forget to take out your tampon. A tampon left in during intercourse could become lodged inside you and require a doctor's help to remove it. Also keep in mind that you can still get pregnant or transfer STDs during your period, so have condoms within easy reach.

Am I Addicted to My Vibrator?

I use a vibrator at least three times a week, and it never fails me. The trouble is, when my boyfriend tries to bring me to orgasm, he can't. He thinks it's because I'm "addicted" to the high-speed vibrations. Is it possible?

The latest high-tech supersonic vibrators whirl and twirl and basically do everything but kiss you. And while a man's member may not be able to compete with a machine, a flesh-and-blood partner who's generous in bed and wants you to feel ultimate pleasure is a keeper too. So make your sexual relationship more satisfying by giving your buzzy buddy a break so you can discover how to climax without electronic assistance. Start solo, experimenting with touching yourself in different ways. Modify the way you caress yourself, using everything from feathery light touches to strong kneading pressure. Do it in the bathtub, on the couch, standing, sitting, lying on your stomach, back and side. This will help you break out of the habit of getting into your favorite position, putting the vibrator on high and scoring a no-fail orgasm. Be sure to make this a fun, no-pressure exploration.

I'm Afraid of Anal Sex

My guy occasionally brings up the issue of anal sex, but I'm not comfortable with the idea. Part of the reason I'm wary is that I'm afraid it will hurt ... A LOT. If I agree to try it, what's the best way to keep it from being a painful experience?
-- Audrey, 22, Rocklin

One of the commandments of sex is that couples should agree to disagree -- so before you start figuring out how to keep from suffering too much during your anal encounter, decide whether the idea is even up your erotic alley. Many women never have anal sex, so don't feel compelled to yield to your boyfriend's sexual agenda unless his erotic plans comply with your own tastes. If you decide against it, try to lure him into a different forbidden activity -- chances are his obsession with anal sex comes from the fact that it's taboo. Scratch that itch by trying something else that's equally naughty, like light bondage, saucy role playing, or sex in the great outdoors.

However, if you decide that anal sex does pique your curiosity, here's how you can make it a pleasurable experience: For starters, get some lubrication, like KY Jelly. This should solve a large part of the "pain" problem you've been hearing about by cutting down on friction. And once you're in bed with your guy, have him warm you up to the idea by inserting a few well-lubed fingers in your backdoor. This area is filled with nerve receptors, so it should feel pretty good as long as he goes slowly. At first, your rectal muscles may feel tight due to nervousness. But the more anal foreplay he gives you, the more they'll relax. However, don't insert a vibrator or other object, which can get lost this way (unlike in your vagina).

Once you feel ready to receive him, apply generous lubrication to his penis. To continue calling the shots, avoid positions where he has control of thrusting duties -- like missionary or doggy-style -- and instead hop on top. Another rule of the rear is never to let your boyfriend go from your anus to your vagina, or if you use condoms, be sure that he takes the first one off and rubbers-up again. Stick with these rules and you'll avoid infection and keep your first up-the-bum experience a positive one.

I Can't Find My G-Spot

I don't think I have a G-spot. I reached into my vagina with my finger, about two inches in, where I was told it was located, but nothing happened. When a guy touches me there, it doesn't turn me on, either. The only way I can orgasm is by clitoral stimulation. Is it possible that I don't have a G-spot, and if so, am I missing out on great orgasms?

Ahh. That mysterious hot button. Experts aren't even sure the G-spot exists or if everyone has one. But for argument's sake, let's say you do have one. The reason your search missions probably failed is because you weren't sufficiently aroused. (Watching a steamy movie or reading a sexy novel can help.) Next time you masturbate, wait until you're feeling really turned on, then try finding the spot. When the G-spot is stimulated correctly, its coin-sized area of spongy tissue swells up above the vaginal wall's surface, making it much easier to feel. You'll find it on the front vaginal wall, approximately halfway up between the vaginal opening and the cervix. Once you find it, it might take practice to appreciate its unique sensation.

Now for the fun part. Try out a few positions that are great for hitting the G-spot. Here's one of my favorites: Sit on your boyfriend's lap facing away from him. When he penetrates you, his penis will be angled to rub up against your frontal vaginal wall. As you move up and down on top of him, bend slightly forward so his penis hits your wall at an angle. Another good G-spot position is doggy style: Get on all fours as your boyfriend enters you from behind. Have him lean completely forward, resting his torso on your back. His penis will be angled to strike the G-spot.

Should your expeditions not yield G-gold, keep in mind that vaginal orgasms are not necessarily better or stronger than clitoral ones. They are just a different sensation. If you have strong clitoral orgasms, there's no reason to feel you're missing out. And besides, even if you never unearth your G-spot, at least you'll get a gleeful kick out of the intense search mission.

My Boyfriend's Too Loud During Sex 

My guy pants and moans really loudly before he has an orgasm -- he even gives off these weird wolf howls and bangs the bed into the wall. It's distracting and a turnoff to me, and I'm afraid the neighbors will complain. How can I tame his enthusiasm?

Hmmm...do you notice these howls getting worse during a full moon? All kidding aside, here are a few ways to gently let him know his noises need to be kept to a dull roar. First, try making a little joke out of it. Tell him how you like knowing that he's close to climax, and so do all the people in China who can probably hear him. If the comment is taken right, your guy might feel only slightly self-conscious, and he'll naturally turn down the volume.

I'm Intimidated by His Experience

I've been dating a great guy for a couple of months. He's 29 and I'm 20. We recently started having sex, and I find that I'm intimidated by how sexually sophisticated he is. I have only had one previous lover, who was also young and inexperienced, but my new boyfriend has had many lovers. What can I do to make sure I'm showing him a good time?

Let me assure you that there is absolutely no reason for you to be insecure about your inexperience. There's nothing a man loves more than the chance to initiate a young woman into the secrets of sex! So, to show your older guy a great time, work that innocence by asking him to be your love instructor. Tell him to guide your hands and lips around his body, and let you know what feels good. Say that you want to discover which positions make you the hottest and ask him to try a series of different ones with you each night. Trust me, taking on the role of teacher will not be a chore for him. Pick up a book on sexual positions and turn the pages together to get erotic ideas.

The only way your innocence could hurt you is if you're so intimidated by your boyfriend's experience that you freeze up in bed. But if you're sexually enthusiastic and eager to try new things, you can't go wrong.

I Hate Oral Sex After Intercourse

Sometimes my boyfriend asks me to go down on him after he's already been inside of me. But the thought of tasting myself is a huge turn-off. What can I do?

Have you even tried it? It may not be as bad as you think. See if you can be a bit open-minded and indulge him in his desire. I'm willing to bet he goes down on you without hesitation. Your natural juices probably have little, if any flavor, especially in the small quantities remaining on his penis. If your personal lube does smell or taste terrible, you should have your gyno check you for infections. But I have a feeling this problem is more a psychological hurdle than one of funky fluid.

Either way, here are two techniques to try if you just can't get passed it. When he wants you to go down on him, simply switch to a fresh condom. Voila! A clean penis. (If you haven't both been tested for STDs -- and received a clean bill of health -- you should be using condoms during intercourse and oral sex.) If you're not using condoms (assuming you've both tested negative for all STDs), before you have sex, have a moist cloth ready, placed in a basket on the floor near or under the bed. When your man requests his intermezzo of oral sex, reach down and secure your secret cloth. Clean his penis with sensual strokes and try to make it appear as if it's part of the action, not some scrub-a-dub-dub that you'd do on some unwanted spill. The same cloth can be used for postsex cleanup as well, instead of scrambling for tissues or towels.

How Much Masturbation Is Normal?

Help! I masturbate constantly. Even at work, sometimes three to four times a day. I have a healthy sex life otherwise. Is this normal?

At last masturbation has lost the stigma it used to have. These days, instead of warning us that it could cause blindness or insanity, sex therapists encourage women to masturbate -- not only does it feel great and relieve tension, it's also a good way to get to know your body and understand what turns you on. But anything in excess can be destructive -- whether it's food, exercise, shopping, or, in this case, solo sex -- when it starts to interfere with your daily life.

Here are some questions to ask yourself: Do you feel compelled to pleasure yourself? Are you unable to concentrate on work or other activities because you're so busy planning your next solo session? Are you late or absent from appointments and find yourself making excuses to cover up your sexy habit? Perhaps you can manage to masturbate four times a day and not disrupt your normal life. But your admission of masturbating at the office raises red flags. At work, your focus should be on business (unless, of course, you have a vocation like mine). A healthy adult doesn't run off and masturbate every time she is horny. This shows me you can't keep your call-to-climax under control.

Four self-pleasuring sessions a day seems a bit extreme to me, especially in addition to the otherwise healthy sex life you say you have. Why do you think you seek so much sexual satisfaction? Is it because you just learned how to bring yourself to climax and are so thrilled with your newfound talent that you feel like practicing a thousand times? If so, perhaps this is just a phase. Or maybe you're under a lot of stress and using masturbation for tension relief. If so, there are other ways to naturally relax, such as meditation and exercise. Try to cut down on touching yourself for a while by imposing a once-a-day rule. If this is impossible, it may be time to seek the help of a therapist.

He Finds Spanking Sexy  

My boyfriend of more than a year suddenly got experimental and spanked me. He got a real sexual charge out of it, but not me. It's not that it hurts; I just don't find it very sexy. What should I do?

You should never feel pressured to do anything in bed that you don't enjoy. But if something comes up sexually that doesn't particularly bother you and gives your boyfriend a thrill, why not indulge him a little? Provided he regularly tries his best to do the things that please you, would it really be such a pain in the butt to let him spank you sometimes? Keep in mind that one of the things that makes sex exciting is watching your partner get turned on -- so even if you aren't into having him slap your bottom, seeing his pleasure ought to make the experience more fun for you.

What Is a Multiple Orgasm?  

What exactly is a multiple orgasm? I usually climax when I have sex, but don't think I've ever had a multiple.

Technically, multiple orgasms occur one after another in a series. Some women experience multiples as an extended wave of sensation; others feel the peaking as separate climaxes happening seconds or minutes apart. The fact that you've never had one isn't surprising -- multiple orgasms tend to be a rare treat.

Do I Have to Swallow After Oral Sex?  

Whenever I go down on my boyfriend, he asks me to swallow. I haven't done it yet because I'm afraid I won't like the taste of his semen, or I'll gag. Are there any tricks to get past this?

First, don't feel you must oblige your boyfriend if swallowing makes you squeamish. Giving oral sex to a man can be enjoyable, but a certain level of comfort is necessary to fully complete the act. Establishing some open communication with your boyfriend will make it easier for you to voice your concerns, and overcome them. When you feel you're set to swallow, start with these suggestions:

1. Take a semen taste test. Just as your boyfriend is about to climax, move your mouth to the side of his penis below the head (this very sensitive area is called the frenulum) and continue licking while stroking his shaft with your hands. Once he's ejaculated, steal a sample taste. How is it? If you're pleasantly surprised, next time you can consider swallowing. Do keep in mind, though, that a man's semen can run the gamut from sweet to bitter, fresh to fishy depending on what he ate that day. It's been claimed that if a man eats less red meat and spicy foods and avoids coffee and cigarettes, the taste is less pungent. Eating fruit, especially pineapple and apples, is supposed to make sperm sweeter. You can also mask his full flavor by putting a dab of toothpaste on your tongue before you perform oral sex. The mint will give him a tingly feeling that will add another dimension to his sensation.
2. Follow the gag rule. Your gag reflex will kick in if his penis -- or even a gush of ejaculate -- hits the back of your throat unexpectedly. So be sure to ask your boyfriend to alert you when he's about to climax. When he gives you the signal, hold his penis still inside your mouth as far back as comfortable, and tilt your head back so your throat opens up. His semen will trickle down -- skipping most of your tastebuds. Bonus: No sheets to wash!
3. Be cool with drool. You've done the taste test and checked your gag reflex, but if you're still not sold on taking in a mouthful of semen, there is a compromise. Only swallow for the first few seconds, then open up the side of your mouth a bit, and let some of his fluids slide out. You'll still get a significant tasting, but you'll reduce the risk of retching.

My Man Is a Terrible Kisser

I love my new boyfriend, but he's a terrible kisser! What can I do?

For starters, you can't tell him how terrible he is. It'll kill his ego, and perhaps even your budding relationship. Kissing is so primal and personal that people often consider it an extension of themselves, so even the most delicate rejection of your guy's kissing could hurt his feelings. You have to subtly teach him to be a better kisser. It may take time, but he can improve.

Does "Going Bare" Make Sex Better?  

Can removing my pubic hair enhance my sexual pleasure or my boyfriend's? What's the best way to do it?

Some women who remove their pubic hair say they are pleasantly surprised at how much more sensitive their genitals become. Everything from a breeze under your skirt to the friction of your undies can provide an erotic thrill without hair there to dull the sensations. Sex can feel better, too, especially oral sex. And some men report they find it easier to perform major tongue action when they have fuzz-free access. Plus, since guys are aroused by visual stimulation, some really get turned on by a hairless view. Bear in mind that you don't have to take it all off. A Brazilian cut -- in which the vaginal lips are uncovered but a small patch of pubic hair remains, in the form of a triangle, mustache or vertical "landing strip" -- is very popular today.

Is Syrup Safe for Oral Sex?  

Is it bad to put syrup or any type of stuff down there while performing oral sex, either on my boyfriend or on me?
-- Kim, 20, Roseville, CA

Using chocolate syrup, strawberry sauce, whipped cream and other sugary substances to sweeten an oral-sex session is fun and fairly safe, as long as you rinse off afterward. Why the speedy cleanup? Because men's and women's genitals serve as the home for various microscopic organisms, one of which is yeast. Usually yeast is completely harmless, but give it a ton of sugar to feed on, and it will multiply like crazy and cause men's and women's nether regions to itch for days before it dies down. Another way to allay infection is to drink a big glass of water before and after sex, which will flush out the area when you urinate. Take these few precautions, and you won't have to scratch food -- so to speak -- from your sexual repertoire.

How to Talk Dirty During Sex 

My guy wants me to talk dirty to him during sex. But I feel foolish and don't have the slightest clue what to say. Help!

Talking dirty is an acquired art, like rapping or writing a haiku. It seems intimidating, but anyone can learn how to do it. And I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that it doesn't require morphing into a porn star. You should only go as far as you feel comfortable. In fact, if you feel uneasy or if you fake it, your boyfriend will sense it, and your words won't have the same erotic effect. What he wants is you -- the honest, unrehearsed, uncensored you.

Start by thinking of yourself as an erotic cheerleader. When he does something that makes you feel amazing -- a move he makes, the way he kisses you, how fast or slow he's going -- tell him. You could simply whisper, "You feel so good inside me." And then you can work yourself up to something more specific like, "Moving like that drives me craaazzzy!" when his rhythm starts to send you over the edge, or "Your tongue feels incredible!" when he's going down on you. It's thrilling for him to hear your naughty thoughts out loud, plus it's one of the few moments where men want us to give them direction. So take advantage of it! If he's thrusting too soft, don't hesitate to throw out a "Harder! Harder!" Or if he's not quite hitting the spot, guide him: "Your tongue feels great ... right ... right ... there!"

Another surefire way to make your talk hot is to compliment him on his body. Tell him how amazing his muscles are, how tight his butt is, how sexy he looks hovering over you, but your most effective weapon is referring with wonderment to his mighty ambassador. Say anything descriptive (and positive!) about its size ("You're so deep inside me!") or stiffness ("Your &$%# is rock hard!") and it'll definitely drive him wild.

Am I Too Selfish in Bed?

The guy I'm with complained that I'm selfish in bed -- and maybe he's right. I like it when he does things that please me, like give me oral sex, but when it's time for me to reciprocate, I get bored and lose my arousal. Can I change?

To answer this question, look at the problem on two levels -- emotional and technical. If you're not into pleasing this particular partner, it may be that you're just not that into him. When you're not really crazy about a guy, there's no reason you'd want to please him -- in bed or out. So first, explore your feelings. Ask yourself: Do I respect this man? Do I really "get" him? Do I have things in common with him? Am I happy and excited when he calls or vaguely annoyed? You may find that he's simply not right for you, that you're only seeing him because it's convenient. If that's the case, you should probably move on.

My Man Only Wants Sex in Bed

My guy only wants to have sex in bed and that's it. I've tried to lure him into the shower, or other rooms of our apartment, but to no avail. How can I get him to open up and try new things?

It's possible that your guy only feels sexually confident with the tried-and-true. He may be afraid that out of the bedroom he won't be able to get it up, or that he'll come too quickly, or that he won't be able to run the show the way he's used to. So, help ease his performance anxiety by making it about you, not him. Ask him to touch you with only his hands and mouth when you're in the kitchen, hallway, wherever. Then he doesn't have to worry about whether he's aroused or controlling his own orgasm, since all he'll be doing is pleasuring you.

Or, try a subtle seduction. Next time you're on the couch watching TV, work your hand under his shirt and tickle his belly. Kiss his neck and ears, or suck his fingers. Take it slow and see how he responds. If he isn't getting into it, back off. But if he's receptive, make your way down south and begin to stroke him with your hands or perform some mouth magic. Tell him to sit back and relax while you make him feel good. As he reaps the benefits of this sexy sofa interlude, he may start to realize that hey, this could actually be fun! But don't push for intercourse this time; just plan on fooling around for a bit to give him a taste of things to (hopefully) come.

If you can't lure him, you could try to talk to him. Don't put him on the spot by asking him why he won't try different venues. Instead, tell him why it's so important for you to have some diversity. Broach the topic during a nonsexual moment and with a nonaccusatory tone. Tell him you love having sex with him and that introducing some new locations and positions will heighten your arousal even more.

However, if your boyfriend continues to show no interest in satisfying your desires, you'll have to decide whether you can accept the differences in your sexual styles.

My Boyfriend Doesn't Arouse Me  

I've been having sex with my boyfriend for over two years. I still love him, but his kisses and touches don't arouse me like they used to. What can I do to bring back the fire?

Eating the same thing for dinner every night would eventually kill your appetite. That doesn't mean you should stop going to your favorite restaurant -- but it does mean it's time to mix up the menu. Same goes for your sex life. Routine can breed boredom, so when it comes to amping up your arousal, your best bet is to do something different.

How Is HPV Transmitted?

I am a 19 year old female and was diagnosed with HPV. I have only had sex once and we used a condom. The guy (a male friend) has not been diagnosed w/ any STD's. He was w/ one girl prior to me, who was a virgin too (we know, we're from a tiny town). However, my former best friend was diagnosed w/ HPV a couple of years ago. We spent tons of time together, went on vacations together, and shared clothes and towels (but never bathing suits or underwear). Is it possible for HPV to be transferred through non-sexual activity as that seems to be the more likely scenario in my situation. Also, how can I prevent spreading it to others?
Jessica, 19, Sacramento

HPV can only be transmitted with the shedding of fresh live cells and doesn't linger on clothing or other surfaces. It's very unlikely you could contract it from towels or shared clothing. So, you didn't catch HPV from your female friend, but it's possible that you contracted it from someone other than your one lover, through sexual activity that didn't end in intercourse. Skin-to-skin contact of the genital area can pass along the virus, so you can pick it up when simply rolling around naked with a boyfriend, even if you don't go all the way.

HPV is short for human papillomavirus, a virus similar to the one that causes hand warts. Over forty strains of HPV exist, some of them cause genital warts and some are linked with cervical cancer, but other strains are harmless. It's usually detected when a woman's Pap smear results are "borderline abnormal" and her doctor does an HPV test.

It's estimated that three quarters of young, sexually active women would test positive for HPV, but most don't know they have it because, unless genital warts are present, the virus is invisible to the naked eye and Pap smears often don't detect it. This stat isn't as scary as it sounds though -- less than one percent of these women will go on to develop cancer. With treatment, certain HPV's can be eliminated, others never can be. "Anyone who is diagnosed with hpv should take is very seriously. Your gynecologist will likely recommend you get more frequent Pap smears and it's important that you follow that advice."

How can you avoid infecting others? Barring sexual abstinence, you can't. Condoms don't completely protect against HPV, because a prophylactic only covers part of the area, not the external genitalia. But condoms are still your best defense, so it's important that you use them."

I'm sorry you've had to learn so early on that something as wonderful as sex has this extremely un-fun side to it!

Can I Use My Vibrator on My Boyfriend?  

Is a vibrator only for me, or are there any ways it can bring pleasure to my boyfriend?

Just because you're not a kid anymore doesn't mean you shouldn't share your toys. If your boyfriend is open to the idea, you should definitely let him in on the fun. Here are some ways to give him a buzz.

We Don't Trust Each Other  

Six months ago, my boyfriend confessed that he had cheated on me. It's taken me a long time, but I've forgiven him. Now he constantly thinks I'm cheating on him! I want a future with him, but these trust issues we have are killing the relationship. Is there any hope for us?
-- Lisa, 21, Rancho Cordova

Infidelity causes serious -- and yet subtle -- stress on a relationship long after the fact. While you say you've completely forgiven him, ask yourself again if that's true: Do you get angry if he talks to other women, or stays late at work one night? That may mean you're subconsciously holding his past against him. And even if you have totally let bygones be bygones, your beau may not yet be able to forgive himself. So why does he suspect you of cheating? Perhaps because deep down he wishes you would cheat, which would even the score and alleviate the guilt he still feels about what he's done.

As you well know, healthy relationships can't survive when partners keep each other under surveillance, which makes it imperative that you clear the air with a discussion. For starters, ask him why he suspects you're fooling around. True cheaters rarely want to talk about their transgression, so initiating the conversation will show him that you have nothing to hide. Then, to assuage his guilt, reassure him that in spite of your reservations, you're with him because you believe that he can remain true. Hearing that you've cleaned the slate may be just what he needs to exorcise the paranoid voices in his head whispering that you're out to enact your revenge with another guy. Time, of course, is the only thing that will really heal both your wounds, so don't despair if it doesn't happen overnight.

I Can't Orgasm With My Boyfriend  

I'm 27 years old and have never had an orgasm with my boyfriend. However, I can climax in less than a minute by crossing my legs and squeezing a few times. But that's the only way. What can I do?
-- Amanda, 27, Folsom

You're definitely not alone -- nearly one-third of women can't achieve the Big O during intercourse. Nonetheless, there are many ways to up the odds. One surefire tactic is the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique): Lie with her legs flat against the mattress slightly spread apart. Then have your guy enter you and inch up farther than normal so that his pelvis is higher than yours. Instead of thrusting, he rocks back and forth, keeping both your pubic bones in close contact. The CAT works because it offers constant stimulation of your clitoris -- and based on your leg-crossing masturbatory maneuver, it appears that you'll appreciate the attention here.

If this technique doesn't work right away, you can also expand your orgasmic horizons by masturbating in a variety of ways. Use your hand or a vibrator, and put your body in different positions. It may not feel as comfortable as your usual peaking position, but eventually your body will start responding. Once you've kicked your need for ideal circumstances, share your new ideas with your guy. The more you play around with various techniques alone and with your amour, the higher your chances of finding something that rubs you the right way.

My Vagina Made a Noise During Sex  

I recently had a humiliating experience while having sex with my new boyfriend: My vagina emitted a flatulent noise. Why does it happen?
-- Audrey, 33, El Dorado Hills

Having your private parts emit this off-putting noise during sex can be mortifying, but rest assured you're hardly the only woman who's had to endure this embarrassment. "Queefing," as it's often called, is totally natural, and, in fact, is a good sign that you're getting really turned on during sex. When women get aroused, their vagina lengthens and balloons in the back, which can suck air in from the outside environment. After orgasm, the big balloon collapses and air is expelled, creating a sound.

While you can mask the noise a bit by having music playing in the background, the hands-down best way to handle it is with humor. Explain that the sound is simply your private parts' way of expressing appreciation, for example. Sex is full of embarrassing moments, and the more comfortable you get laughing about them, the sooner you can get back to the act.

My Boyfriend Has Wild Sex Fantasies

My new boyfriend is a lot wilder sexually than other guys I've dated. So far I've been enthusiastic about everything he's wanted to try, but now he's trying to live out his fantasies of having sex in public! Once he suggested we sneak into a stall of the ladies' room at a movie theater, and the other day when we were in the park he wanted to go for it in an area where someone could have come along at any time. I said no to both of these requests, but I do want to fulfill his fantasies. Is there some way I can give him the thrill he craves without having an unwanted audience (or getting arrested)?

Your boyfriend's probably yearning for the adrenalin rush that accompanies the risk of being caught with his pants down. Or maybe he has exhibitionist fantasies and, even if he doesn't actually want anyone to watch you two couple up, he likes the idea that someone might be watching. Your mission is to find places to fool around that feel risky enough to give him a thrill but that don't put you at risk of arrest.

Maybe stage semipublic sexual encounters where, if you're caught, it's by friends, not by the police. For example, one evening when you've invited people over, try to seduce him just at the time when you expect the guests to arrive. This will create the dramatic sense that people could walk in on you, when in fact the doorbell will signal their appearance. Only your cat-swallowed-the-canary grins might betray your canoodling. Or, the next time you're out to dinner, subtly grope him or engage in a game of footsie (running your foot up his leg as high as you can) under the table. If you're daring, secretly slip into the bathroom for a quickie during a party. If friends waiting outside bang on the door, suspecting something is going on, that will add to your boyfriend's excitement.

If it's a forbidden location he craves, you might suggest doing it at his office late at night. Be sure the cleaning staff has left and that security guards won't be making rounds throughout the building. Of course the consequences could be dire if you're discovered, but it's his office, not yours, so it's up to him to weigh that risk. For sex in the great outdoors, seek out an al fresco locale that's very isolated. Head to a state park in the sticks that gets few visitors and find a spot where you'll be able to see or hear if someone's approaching. If you leave some clothing on while you go at it, your activity will be less obvious if anybody stumbles upon you. Wearing a long skirt and straddling him so that the skirt hides what's going on is a great way to get away with outdoor amour. Just don't forget to skip your panties!

He Wants to Watch Me Masturbate

My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of him. But I'm uncomfortable and afraid I'll look ridiculous. How can I loosen up?

Most people consider masturbating a private act, so no wonder you feel uncomfortable doing it in front of your boyfriend. Even if after considering my advice, you still feel uneasy, by all means, don't do it. You should never do anything in bed you don't want to. But I happen to think this can be a safe and playful way to explore with a partner, increase your intimacy, and teach him the secrets to pleasing you.

Getting Excited About Oral Sex  

My boyfriend loves to give me oral sex, but the truth is I get a little bored when he's down there! Any tips that will help me get more into it?

First, do a little introspection -- think about why you suffer this oral ennui. Do you feel uncomfortable letting your guy focus all his attention on your most personal regions? Are you afraid that maybe he's getting bored, or worse, isn't enjoying himself? These feelings can get in the way of your ability to completely let go and enjoy yourself. Remember, since your boyfriend loves licking you, he's probably not down there looking at his watch. If his mouth moves aren't entirely to your liking and you can think of a few adjustments that might heighten your arousal, don't be afraid to show him -- he'll have a great time mastering them!

He Uses My Breasts for Stimulation  

I just became sexually active with a new man, and he's really into stimulating his penis between my breasts. I'm sort of new to this. Are there any tricks I should use?

Lots of men really enjoy this, so why not add it to your repertoire -- either as part of foreplay or as a hot way to bring your guy to orgasm. The easiest way to perform the technique is to lie on your back with your guy on his knees, straddling your torso. He places his penis between your breasts, with the head pointing toward your chin. (Hint: A bit of lubricant between your breasts will help his penis glide smoothly between your twins.) Cup your breasts from below in the palm of each hand, pushing them gently together to deepen the valley.

Help! Our Sex Styles Are Different

My guy likes fast thrusting during intercourse to bring him to orgasm. This style rarely pleases me, though. What can we do that will give us both pleasure?

Most guys will get racecar on you when the finish line of orgasm is in sight, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy leisurely drives up a lusty lover's lane. All you and your guy need to do is come up with a carnal compromise that'll put you both in the winner's circle. What works for most couples is a ladies first policy -- starting with the slow, steady thrusting that thrills you. Then, once you've reached your peak, shift gears, pick up the pace and make it all about the high-speed sex style that gets him off.

Granted, some men lose their erection if slower-paced action goes on for a long while, but there are ways to avoid or remedy that situation. One solution is to engage in plenty of foreplay so that by the moment of entry you're pretty close to climaxing. If you cut down the time he spends at the slower rhythm, you reduce the risk of him going soft. Another idea is to keep squeezing your vaginal muscles while he's doing the slow stroke inside you -- the tightness of the action will keep him at attention. Plus, simply by shifting your hips you can alter the angle so it feels like he's penetrating you more deeply (deeper, like tighter, is good for him during slo-mo sex). Remember, if your guy does lose his erection, you always have the option of stopping intercourse and giving him oral sex to pump him back up.

The best way to get the pace you want is with a position that puts you in cruise control: you on top. As you hit the stride that does you right, lean over so he can kiss or play with your breasts, which will help keep him aroused. You can also straddle him facing the other direction to offer him an exciting rear view. In positions where your man's in the driver's seat, give him verbal directions so he'll know what pleases you and how close you are to orgasm. Telling him, "Just like that! What you're doing right now feels so good!" will clue him in and fuel-inject his ego. Oh, and after you climax, don't forget to go into the fast lane for him!

I'm a 28-Year-Old Virgin  

I'm a 28-year-old virgin. I've been waiting to have sex until I meet a man I truly love, but Mr. Right is nowhere to be found. So I've decided to settle for Mr. Maybe, or even a one-night stand, but whenever the opportunity arises, I'm so afraid I'll be pitiful that I leave before doing the deed. How do I get over this?

You've built up sex so much in your mind that I wonder if doing it with Mr. Perfect (if you could find such a man) would even meet your expectations. Because you're so caught up in "losing it," you've completely forgotten to find a man you're compatible with! So instead of seeing every guy as a potential de-virginizer, see him as someone you could build a friendship with first -- someone who makes you laugh, makes you feel good in his presence, and with whom you have things in common. He doesn't have to be Mr. Right and you don't have to be madly in love, but you do have to feel comfortable with him. (For the record: I think one-night stands can be grand, but I don't recommend one in your case.)

Then when it comes to getting physical, move slowly -- just kissing for hours, if that's all you can handle. Try not to put yourself on a timetable, or think that because you went to third base with him on your last date, this time you're obliged to go all the way -- there's no rush. When you feel ready, tell him you're a virgin and you're anxious about your first time. Just blurt it out if you don't want to turn it into a big discussion. Admitting your fear will take the pressure off of you to perform and will allow him to be more sensitive to your needs. Also make sure to reassure him that just because he's the one you've decided to sleep with first, it doesn't mean he's The One. You don't want to scare him into thinking you've waited your whole life to have sex with him. That said, I can't imagine a man who wouldn't be honored to be a woman's first time -- trust me.

My Boyfriend's Penis Is Too Small

I have just met the most wonderful man. We've fooled around, but haven't had sex yet. I noticed that his penis is much smaller than my last boyfriend's. After having a lover with a large penis, will I ever be satisfied with his small one?

I'm sure you've heard the cliché "It is not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean." Many women find it true: that what a man does with his love stick is more important than how big it is. But some women -- and you may be one of them -- truly feel there is no way a man can make up for a smaller-than-average stature (average, by the way, is five to seven inches erect). But before you're convinced that you're a big-man woman, at least give your new guy a chance. You may be surprised. Emotion, after all, plays a big part in sexual attraction and arousal. Your "wonderful man" might turn you on so much that he will excite you far more than your former, big-gun lover. In fact, sized-challenged men are often more creative in the sack to make up for their lack of length or girth; they're more likely to experiment with positions or go out of their way to make sure you are satisfied.

One position I suggest you try is the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique). It focuses on clitoral stimulation rather than deep penetration. Here's how it works: Once your boyfriend is inside you, he scoots forward a little so the base of his penis or his pubic bone is in direct contact with your clitoris. Rather than thrusting, have him use a shallow rocking motion so he rubs against your clitoris -- the friction should bring you to orgasm. You may never get the same full feeling you had with your last boyfriend, but with the CAT you shouldn't have to sacrifice orgasms.

One final cautionary note: Never let on you've noticed his precious part is on the small side. He's probably painfully aware its size is below standard, but it would crush him to hear it from you.

My Boyfriend Won't Initiate Sex  

My boyfriend and I live together. I always initiate sex and wish he'd make the moves on me. I actually went a month without any sex at all while I waited for him to get so horny he'd jump me, but he never did. He says he loves being chased, but I fear that he might not like me as much as I like him. What can I do?
-- Cheryl, 29, Elverta

Before assuming that his desire for you is deficient, consider these other possibilities. Perhaps he just has a low sex drive -- sounds impossible, but many men just aren't sex-craved maniacs, especially if they're stressed out on the job or going through a hard time with their family or friends. Also ask him about his past girlfriends. If one of them frequently rejected his sexual advances, that would definitely make him gun-shy. By letting you call the shots, he doesn't risk any further sexual rebuff.

While it's understandable that you'd want him to take the helm of your Love Boat sometimes, your monthlong "test" probably did more harm than good. By suddenly ceasing to be the instigator, you may have conveyed the very signals you think he's sending you: that you don't want him anymore. A better way to lure him into the chase is to play the seductress. Unlike your usual go-get-him strategy, seduction involves teasing, provoking, and rousing him to action. Leave steamy messages on his voicemail or email at work like "I'm not wearing panties today. You know why? So when we get home, you can just lift up my skirt..." Or tell him a fantasy you've had, such as "I dreamed I was walking down an empty street and you appeared out of nowhere and took me right then and there." Done with strategic creativity and finesse, these hints are sure to get him fired up and ready to burst through the door and passionately pin you to the bed.

Spice Up the Missionary Position

My favorite way to have sex is in the missionary position, but I know this is the traditional style and don't want to seem boring in bed. Are there any variations that can spice up man-on-top mode?

Don't let the name fool you -- the missionary position is one of the most intimate and sexy ways to make love. Lots of women really revel in that full-body embrace. And men get off on the power and control they naturally have when they're on top. So don't worry about being "boring in bed." As long as you enjoy yourself and pay attention to your man's pleasure -- and missionary isn't the only position you do -- he'll think you're a great, exciting lover. But that doesn't mean you can't make getting busy face to face feel even better.