Mommy Mommy Jokes!!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
mom: Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!

son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.
mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!
mom: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy, Why am I running around in circles?
mom: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm getting dizzy!
mom: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?
mom: Shut up and take your legs out your pockets.

son: Mommy, mommy, what is a delinquent child?
mom: Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.

son: Mommy, mommy, what is a delinquent child?
mom: Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?
mom: Shut up and deal.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.
mom: Shut up and deal.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzy got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzy got run over by a steamroller.
mom: Shut up and get the maple syrup.

son: Mommy, mommy, dad's been run over in the street!!
mom: Don't make me laugh; you know my lips are chapped.

son: Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna visit Grandma!
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail.
mom: Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I want to play with Sheldon!
mom: Shut up and close the coffin!

son: Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course?
mom: Shut up and search the sand traps!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
mom: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see daddy again.
mom: Shut up and keep digging.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!
mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can't we give Daddy a decent burial?
mom: Shut up and keep flushing!

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want to go to China.
mom: Shut up and keep digging

son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?
mom: Shut up and flush.

son: Mommy mommy, I hate you
mom: Shut up or I'll eat you.

son: Mummy, mummy, please can I have a spoon?
mom: Yes of course dear. Why do you want the spoon?
son: Because Daddy's been sick, and the cat's getting all the big bits

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
mom: Shut up and keep eating.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
mom: Shut up and get the marshmallows!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!
mom: Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?
mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!
mom: Shut up and eat your hamburger!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!
mom: Shut up and eat your French fries!

son: Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!
mom: Shut up and eat around it.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!
mom: Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?
mom: Shut up and flush it like everyone else.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!
mom: Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice!
mom: Shut up and drink it before it clots.

son: Mommy, Mommy! My egg tastes bad.
mom: stop complaining! Just eat it!
son: Mommy, Mommy!
mom: What is it now!
son: Do I have to eat the beak as well?

son: Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.

Son: Mommy Mommy, is this really the way to make meat pies?
mom: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
mom: Shut up and eat around it!

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
mom: Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

son: Mummy, Mummy! I don't like grandma.
mom: Well leave her on the side of your plate then.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.
mom: Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.
(or)
mom: Well okay , eat the beans instead ...

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
mom: Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

son: Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?
mom: Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
mom: All right, you can take another slice.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts.
mom: Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis!
mom: Shut up, and keep eating!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
mom: Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea soup!
mom: Keep quiet and eat what is on the table.
(or)
mom: Shut up. Do you think I pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve?

son: Mommy, Mommy! I wanted to lick the bowl this time.
mom: Shut up and flush.

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like this spaghetti!
mom: Shut up or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE red and green spaghetti!
mom: Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.

son: Mummy, Mummy! what's for dinner?
mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want any more hamburger!
mom: Shut up and stick your arms back into the meat grinder.

son: Mommy, mommy! Daddy threw up all over the kitchen floor.
mom: Just ignore him, son.
son: But little sis is getting all of the BIG pieces!

son: Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is the right way to cook Beijing Duck?
mom: Shut up and close the microwave oven door behind you!

son: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
mom: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.

son: Mommy, Mommy! what's a vampire?
(or)
son: Mommy, Mommy! are we really vampires?
mom: Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm not hungry anymore.
mom: Shut up and finish your paint chips. (a city version).
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Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
Billy, let go of Susie's ear. Billy! Let go of her ear! All right Billy, give me the ear.

Mommy, Mommy! I HATE spaghetti!
Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.

Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!
Shut up and eat around it.

Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying?
Shut up and eat your hot dog!

Mommy, Mommy! What's a lesbian?
Go ask Daddy, she'll know.

Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up and get back in the oven!

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want lemonade!
Shut up and lift my skirt!

"Mommy, mommy I hate sister's guts!"
"Shut up and eat what's put in front of you!"

"Mommy, mommy can I lick the bowl?"
"No. Flush it!"

"Mommy, mommy, why am I walking around in circles?"
"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

"Mommy, mommy, what am I going to be when I grow up?"
"Shut up, you know you have cancer!"

"Mommy, mommy, can I have cookies?"
"OK, but wash your hands first."
"But mommy, I don't have hands!"
"No hands, no cookies!"

"Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?"
"Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet."

"Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?"
"Shut up and kiss me!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy so big?"
"Shut up and open wider."

"Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy moaning?"
"Shut up and suck harder.

"Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise."
"Shut up and eat around it!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?"
"Not today, we already dug her three times this week."

"Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?"
"Shut up and eat your cornflakes!"

"Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?"
"Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?"
"Shut up and keep digging."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa."
"Well, just push him to the side of the plate and eat your beans."

"Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!"
"Well throw some more gasoline on him then."

"Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?"
"Shut up son, you'll wake your father."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't wanna visit grandma!"
"Shut up and keep digging."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!"
"Shut up or I'll grind your other hand."

"Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire?"
"Shut up and eat your soup before it clots."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!"
"Shut up, we only have it once a month."

"Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning?"
"Shut up and keep licking."

"Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?"
"Shut up, you know that grandma's leg isn't infected anymore."

"Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim?"
"Shut up and get back in the sack!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?"
"Shut up and take your feet out of your pockets."

"Daddy, Daddy! What is queer?"
"Shut up and unhook my bra."

Jokes Index